My Drinking Masterpiece

Alright, lets see. I'm gonna try and describe what I've heard was my
worst. I don't remember hardly anything except glimpses after the 2
first tequilas, until 5 hours or so later when I'm standing in the
hallways, and another drunk friends decides to push me because I look
unstable while putting on my shoes.

But, in no particular order:
Made a list of girls I liked.
Danced on my knees since I couldn't stand properly.
a moped, crashed, got a concussion and wrecked the moped (it was mine
luckily). Got either led or carried inside, with road rash on my face,
bleeding a little from the head, and with puke on my jacket.
that jumping a hedge that was almost as tall as me was a good idea when
you're not able to take two steps in the same direction. I crashed
trough the hedge, scratched my belly, and got grass stains on my face
as well. This might have been before or after crashing the moped. I
have no idea really.
Despite heavy objections from the host, threw
myself in his little brothers bed, with puke stains, gravel and so on
still on my persona. Needless to say, he was not pleased at the time.
Though the day after, when I came to collect what used to be a nice
vintage moped, he didn't seem to mind.
On the way home to one of my
friends, me, him and another friend stole 2 bikes outside a party a few
houses away. One had a cart, which the least drunk of us got to ride.
I'm surprised we actually made it back whiteout crashing even once.
Even making it back was an achievement to me at the time.
Then the
following morning, with my two friends saying "shit!" "What the hell
did you do?" and other things like that about the appearance my face,
with a severe hangover and a concussion, the first thing I do is stand
up, only to bang my head with incredible force into a 5 kilos speaker
that's mounted to the wall with iron bolts or something.

amazing how much of this I've managed to piece together, considering
that I brought about a liter of strong spirits with me, drank that in
about two hours, got several shots of tequila, some beer, some
moonshine, some wine, and so on. Considering I hardly never drink, that was a bit much I've realized.
I went to the hospital the day
after, after realizing that my head felt like it was stuffed with
cotton instead of in severe pain. That's how I know I had a concussion.

yeah, and I also lay passed out in a bathtub with vomit, booze and
things on me, with a shower curtain pulled to hide the sight of the
thing I had become. This meant that as soon as I made a sound, which
was most likely slurred speak, grunts or moans, I scared the hell out
of whoever was using the toilet.
That's my worst so far. It lacks sex with animals and drugs, but other than that I think I covered most of it.
Might have pissed myself, though neither me or anyone else noticed in that case.

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